whats on my mind?

I haven't been the best blogger as of late. I guess I haven't had a whole bunch to write about. I certainly have had a lot on my plate. I am a CO-coordinator as a wedding planner, a Consultant for Creative Memories, a District Consultant for Plum District. I have a full time job as a recruiter, multiple babysitting jobs. I am also trying my best to be a friend, sister, cousin and wife.

So where do I begin with this post? where would I end? I am sitting at caribou listening to the world go around wondering if things in my life are about to change, hoping and dreaming that everyone in my life will be happy when they wake up tomorrow and still in the back of my head I cant get the images of Japan out of my head. It is mind altering. Like I am watching a movie about the end of the world, but this is real life. not some movie I paid $20 to see. SEE I am all over the place aren't I.

Why did I start this blog? to be able to vent, flame free, to be able to write and get things out of my mind. Yet people read this, okay maybe 4 people, but still people read this so I am holding back on what I am really feeling. Why? this is my blog this is my outlet.  I think I am reading into this whole blog thing. My goal for this blog is to document my struggles, joys and nothingnesses of being a wife and some day a mom.

If you have stuck with me so far you should know that this is what I live for. I have known since day one that I was put on this earth to be a mom. To care for, love and watch my children grow. That dream became this much closer when I met J, then even closer when we got married over a year ago now. Since then we have been trying to have a little one of our very own. Well not that long, 6 months really. Some months we really, really tried others not so much but for the main part of those 6 months I have always had it in the back of my mind. This could be the month, this could be MY time to announce that we are finally pregnant. I have had a number of close friends get the great news since we have been trying, all the while hoping we would be close behind. I have had one very low month of "why not us, why not now" I had to take a step back and realize why we are doing this. What the end result will be.

A baby love. That is what it is all about. Having the honor of making J a Father. Watching him read a book to our baby love in my belly, the long nights and early mornings talks. The birth and watching him hold our baby love and then him looking up at me with tears in his eyes and that moment of "we did it, we really did it."  Well to get to that moment I/we have to be in a great place with in out hearts. I have heard the "it will happen when it happens" yes I get that is true, just to let you know it gets old hearing that. But I have to remember where that statement comes from. To me a baby is the love between two people. I had to come back to US and the love that we have and how it somehow just keeps growing and getting deeper.

I have also researched a ton already. I have picked the place where we will be birthing, picked out a pretty neat birth plan and have even found my Doula. (all we need now is to get pregnant! :) ) I have come across a book: "Spirit Babies" it is such a great read and has an open mind approach about your baby and how it's soul/spirit can pick you, either the mother, the father or both, sometimes 100's of years before this very moment.

I am taking the holistic approach to TTC (trying to conceive) as well as the pregnancy.  Yes I want to go natural.....While some might look at me like I am crazy, I look at them like they dont have a open mind. So if this comes up in a conversation ask me about it. I'd love to see your view points as well.

Yes so my mind is pretty much all over the place lately. I am pretty excited to have something to post about one day soon until that happens you'll be getting blogs like this. This proves that I have to blog more, or does it?